Ramblings of an Insomniac

Candid Revelations

Everyday, I seem to learn new things not only as a part of the curriculum, but also as a part of my own meandering experiences.

I have been constantly bombarded with work after coming here. Though initially it proved a bit difficult to cope up with all the stuff, I am slowly getting a hold of the situation. In fact, I can say that coming from a background such as IITM Electrical has really helped me a lot. The courses I study here seem much more simpler. Well, you can argue that it could be because of a change in my perspective. I donot deny that.

In retrospection, I feel I somehow never concenterated much on academics during my sojourn in IITM. In IIML, I have made a conditioned effort not to repeat the mistake again. This could probably be the reason why I find the courses here much more simpler. The competition has not diluted though! What am I saying-This is a premier institute and of course the best brains in the country land up here.

There have been days here when I really felt I did something. These are the days which I can claim to have utilised most effectively, when I felt I completed all the tasks I had planned to finish on that day. I am constantly directing myself to increase my productivity every day of my stay here and hence increase the count of days I described above. Sadly, I end up doing a part of the work I assigned for myself, most of the times.

Sometimes I wonder-Am I being a little harsh on myself by imposing unachieveable targets upon myself? Well, the answer is yes and no. I am a bit idealistic, and a perfectionist. I try to force myself to try and achieve the maximum possible with the best of the quality. This could the reason why I either fail to achieve my targets, or I criticise myself - for not being perfect in my work.

I have been making a conscious effort to improve myself in lots of aspects. I know I am good in some aspects and bad in some. I am in the process of converting the bads into goods, and goods into excellents. I know this is a bit abstract, but I cannot help but remain subjective here.

Somehow I feel I got a much needed break from studying after my engineering last year. I can clearly see myself to have grown from a childish mentality to a more matured one during the year. This could be due to a variety of reasons-not necessarily related to my work experience per se. Working from home helped me concenterate more on myself. Specifically, getting selected in CAT 2004 for the GD PIs really helped me a lot. I was forced to look into myself, my aspirations, my strengths and my weaknesses, which, under any other circumstance I would not have even thought of. I could make out a vague picture of what I wanted to become in life-though I have to confess I am still not sure of what I am really made for!

This could be because I constantly keep re-discovering myself. Some of my friends disagree with this when I say this to them. They say we are what we are. That we cannot improve ourselves. They donot agree that there could be a possibility that they could have done something which they have never even thought of.

I have an example that substantiates what I have said. I always thought I could never climb up the artificial wall (for trekking) present in IMAX, Hyderabad. I thought it was too difficult, or my hands could not support my body weight, and what not. But presto! There I was, on the top. I had reached a point which I thought I never could have reached. I discovered that I could reach the top, afterall.

I always felt and even now I feel MBA without work ex is not much useful. I have seen some of my friends in IIML, who are freshers. These guys have some misguided conceptions about corporate life, how people deal with each other in organisations, etc. Though I donot claim that I have been there and seen it all, I find myself in a much better position compared to these guys. I can easily relate to what happens in an organisation. And as one year is too less a time to acquire permanent notions about corporate culture, it is easy for me to learn new concepts. I find myself with a clean slate-but with a difference. I can understand what goes onto the slate!

There is a lot more to write about myself. But lack of time is something which haunts everyone in this world-as it is haunting me now :). So be it.

posted by Vamsee @ 2:47 AM